Recently, I’ve been going out to eat more frequently and for some reason I keep getting these ignorant servers that refer to my friend and I as “ladies”. This is really starting to piss me off. Just when I’m feeling secure in my man hood these people shoot me down and remind me of just how black and white the world sometimes sees things. Is it really as someone put it, the butch women in the world that ruin it for the transmen? The womyn who fought so hard to be identified as touch, butch women and not as the men there were frequently mis-identified as? Well if so then, fuck you. Because I’m not getting the shitty end of that stick. I’m doing my best to pass as a guy. Binding my chest, taking my T and I’m still getting called a lady. My voice is definitely changing every day, I even have scruffs of facial hair, but the general public is still confused as to what gender they should categorize me in. And another thing… why even gender specify your introductions. Why not say hello and keep it at that. Why the gender specific verbiage? Well next time, I’m not going to be so nice. I’m going to tell you how fucking mad this makes me and how not cool with it I am that you are mistaking me for a lady! I’m an out and proud transman and no one can take that away from me.
thank you to everyone in my life and the rest of the world that correctly identifies and uses male pronouns around me. It’s people like you that make the world go round.
what’s in a name?
March 19, 2008
Oh Shakespeare… for once, you had it all wrong. So much is in a name. Just the other day I had to hand over my credit card to pay for food and it had my female name on it. The woman asked me for ID and I said, it’s in the mail I’m getting it renewed. She turned to my friend and says “Is she who she says she is?”. We both grinned at the irony of that statement.
No of course HE isn’t SHE! And HE isn’t Lauren! Arrest this man, he’s using some other woman’s credit cards– oh the gender game and the name game. How I hate it! Nothing makes me more angry. I can’t wait for the day when EVERYTHING matches my current name and gender. And I’m well on my way. . .
It all started a few years ago when I first started to think about my name, my gender and how people would view me as a boy named Lauren. I knew that if I pursued the transition I would want to change my name. Not that I had any problems with my birth name, I just wanted a name that marked the transition and one that was a bit more masculine. So one day, my love friend Nicole and I were talking names. Her last name is Dillon. So we were laughing and joking on how fun it would be if I changed my name to Dylan and I would then be Dylan Dillon if we got married. The name kind of stuck within close quarters. She started calling me Dylan and a few more friends and then a few more… you get the idea. Dylan also played off of my middle name. And finally my one true love in life Dylan McKay. So Dylan it is– one day I knew that I would want to legally change my name to Dylan.
JUMP to 2/29/08– “D” Day. I stood before a judge in Burbank, CA and petitioned the county of Los Angeles for an official name change. From this point forward I will legally be known as Dylan Loren McGinty. How amazing. It all started as a fun conversation amongst friends and now it was legally binding.
After I left the courthouse, I went to the social security administration and updated my records there without much of a problem. A new card was issued and would arrive in the mail shortly.
Next stop passport. I want to travel to Mexico in a few months and since my old passport was stolen, a new one with my new name is in order. I showed the ladies my name change paper work and my birth certificates and my doctor letter. They were shocked, shocked, why I told them I was born female. What a compliment! They said that 90% of the time the Department of State matches the gender on one’s driver’s license and since my new license will say M– the new passport should say the same. Verdict still out on this one.
Next it was off to the DMV. My doctor wrote a letter explaining to the DMV that was transition was complete. I had all the necessary surgeries to date and that my gender was male. This not only allowed me to have a name change on my driver’s license, but a gender change from F to M as well. It was nerve wracking to say the least! I have never been so scared with my fate in someone’s hands before. In hindsight, I wish I brought someone with me, but maybe it was better to go on this journey alone. I walked up to the woman and asked for a name change and then threw down the gender change form. She looked at me and looked at the form and said “wait here sir”. Good sign right? She took the form to a copy machine (I had already made 2,000 copies but whatever). She came back. I had no idea what she was thinking or if this would work. She approaches again with another employee. She tells me that I have two options. Keep my old driver license number or be issued a new one. Expongement from my old record was all I could think so I opted for the latter. I breathed a bit more easily as she asked for my $22. She then said we needed to take a new picture so that Dylan could be represented. Again a breath of air. She says “You must have been really nervous to do this today. It took guts. Relax, we’re almost done here.” And with that I gave the biggest smile on a government ID anyone will have to date. I was issued my temporary license with Dylan Loren McGinty– gender male. The permanent ID comes in the mail in a few weeks
VICTORY! So what is in a name? This question was asked to me on my official name change documents in court. Reason for name change: This new name matches my identity.
PS: just minutes ago I called my credit card company to alert them of my new name and it went so smoothly. They asked for no documentation. Wait… maybe that’s scary!! hehe oh well. . .
under my chin
March 18, 2008
so I wake up this morning and I am alerted to the fact that I have hair under my chin leading down towards my neck. It’s not growing so intense that I need to proclaim I have a beard or anything. But there are noticeable hairs now and if you pull at them they f-ing hurt! found that out the hard way. thank you very much. So does this mean I should shave them off so they grow in thicker and quicker? Man, I really don’t know how to shave and I don’t want to mess anything up. This is serious now. I need some help from my fellow transmen. Should I shave or should I let it go…
FTM SURVEY QUESTIONS
March 17, 2008
1. Does being an FTM help you understand women better? How and why? or why not? (can be in dating or just in general)
At first I thought this would definitely give me an advantage to dating women since I was born female. However there is something fundamentally different between the way I lived my life for 25 years and the way the women I date tend to live their lives. I never dressed as a feminine woman or dated men as a female so there is still a disconnect between that. I also feel that when starting hormones, I really became attached from my emotions and this put me at an even further disavantage to understanding my female partners, espeically when it came to romantic involvement.
The only slight advantage I did have with understanding women is that occasionally when they complained about their periods or about cramps, I could sort of sympatheize with them. Although now that I’m on “T” and it’s a thing of the past, I’m not really seeing the compassion anymore in my head. Strange actually.
The one area I still tend to find I understand women the best still is with sex. I still find that transguys make the best lovers because we are still in tune with female anatomy the best because it is the signifier between what we lust after and what we hope to one day remove from our ownselves to make masculine We watch our clitoris turn into a small cock and are happy. This allows us to pay close attention to our sexual partners with increased interest. The more and more I am on testosterone I realize that females are all beautiful in their own way. Even the more butch of a woman is still a woman to my masculine nature now.
2. In a couple of places it’s been said that FTMs have “the best of both worlds,” in that they have both feminine and masculine traits. What is your response to that statement? Please explain why you agree or disagree.
I would have to disagree. I think that once I started testostorone whether consciously or unconsciously I abandoned most or all of any lingering female traits. I don’t think i had many to begin with but that may just be me. I think FTMs that straddle the gender lines more then others can be said to live in both worlds. But for me personally I’m extremely masculine and would not appear to many has a best of both worlds scenario.
hobbit feet!
March 14, 2008
so i was looking down at my feet today and noticed I had sprouted hair on the top of my feet! I have the beginnings of hobbit feet. This crazy new discovery is amazing to me. I’ve only been on T for 4 months or so and already the hair growth is outrageous–tops of my thighs, belly, naval area, my back, under my chin and now hobbit feet. What next??
PhotoShoot- Day1
March 13, 2008
So I tarted hormone injections of testosterone on November 8th, 2007. The picture on the top of my blog is from that day. It was the single most greatest day of my life up until that point. It was almost one of the hardest. I realized at that point once the needle entered my skin that there was no turning back. There was no stopping the transition that was about to come over the next several weeks and inevitably for the rest of my life. Or until I discontinued testosterone injections. So yes, of course I could stop at any time, but once the first one was in, it was like an all powerful drug, something I had been missing my whole life. Why stop the euphoria? This is what I’ve always wanted. The perfect fix. Testosterone. Let the changes begin.
Hello world!
March 13, 2008
Blog Test– test 1 , 2 ; test 1, 2. is this thing on? can you guys hear me?
