Hello Ladies… the two most awful word pairing in the English language

March 25, 2008

Recently, I’ve been going out to eat more frequently and for some reason I keep getting these ignorant servers that refer to my friend and I as “ladies”.  This is really starting to piss me off. Just when I’m feeling secure in my man hood these people shoot me down and remind me of just how black and white the world sometimes sees things. Is it really as someone put it, the butch women in the world that ruin it for the transmen? The womyn who fought so hard to be identified as touch, butch women and not as the men there were frequently mis-identified as? Well if so then, fuck you. Because I’m not getting the shitty end of that stick. I’m doing my best to pass as a guy. Binding my chest, taking my T and I’m still getting called a lady.  My voice is definitely changing every day, I even have scruffs of facial hair, but the general public is still confused as to what gender they should categorize me in.  And another thing… why even gender specify your introductions. Why not say hello and keep it at that.  Why the gender specific verbiage? Well next time, I’m not going to be so nice. I’m going to tell you how fucking mad this makes me and how not cool with it I am that you are mistaking me for a lady!  I’m an out and proud transman and no one can take that away from me.

thank you to everyone in my life and the rest of the world that correctly identifies and uses male pronouns around me. It’s people like you that make the world go round.

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10 Responses to “Hello Ladies… the two most awful word pairing in the English language”

  1. Jay said

    Hey Dylan, I was surfing the Net and came across your blog. You totally rock and I appreciate that you are so up front and open about this gigantic change that is going on in your life. I just wanted to let you know that I am going through the same thing — I’ve been on T now for 6 years. I know how hard it is to change names – I just wanted to change a few letters in my first name (from Janet to Jay) and it took FOUR hours at the DMV!!!! I’ve been non-op for awhile but I’m thinking of going under the knife. I was hoping you could address some questions of mine in future blog posts. What surgeries have you already had? Do you have any more surgical plans? Is there anything you miss about being a woman?

  2. dylansworld said

    Thank you so much. I will definitely address your questions in a future post. I think a very good, yet difficult suggestion and one I had not thought of, is “Do I miss anything about being a woman.” That’s a tough one. But I’ll give it a shot to try and verbalize my thoughts. Also, it’s nice to know someone else is going through these things– that’s basically why I started the blog. Keep in touch and keep on reading!

  3. Lauren said

    Dylan,
    How do you say “fuck you” to butch women who apparently give you the shitty end of the stick and then go post another blog about how indefinite sexuality is? Butch women are the precursors, the first steps if you will, to transexuality. Before gender reassignment surgery and doses of T were administered, butch women fought for gender/sexual EQUALITY and the ability to make the decision concerning their appearance and sex, not definitive identification as one gender or another. They fought for the same rights that you are fighting for. Remember where you came from. Celebrate diversity.

  4. dylansworld said

    Well firstly, I wasn’t saying “fuck you” to butch women at all and I’m sorry that’s how it came across. I was saying fuck you to the masses of people that so rigidly define gender in the first place and use gender specific greetings such as “hello ladies”. The joking stab at butch women was just a comment that butch women are pushing the envelope as well and pushing gender extremes in their own way. Secondly, remembering my roots where I came from would never sit me in the league of butch women, because I have never self identified as a butch woman but always as a male or an andro guy. Do butch woman really fight for the same rights as trans people? Are butch women the ones kicking trans men out of their rallies and marches and womyn’s festivals around the country?

  5. Missy said

    I think that you are confused, and what you are doing is disgusting

  6. dylansworld said

    I have two questions Missy:

    1. Why do you think I am confused?
    2. Why do you feel I am disgusting?

  7. Lauren said

    missy,
    you are confused and uncomfortable…mainly because you have little or no knowledge of the subject at hand. educate yourself before you appear weak minded and plainly stupid. we wouldn’t want that. our decisions in life hang so precariously on the opinions of random ignorant individuals…riiiiight.

  8. Missy said

    Last time I checked I have the right to my opinion. DO NOT assume because my opinion differs from yours that I am uneducated. Americans have a problem with being honest with how they feel in fear that it might offend…I am not one of those people.

  9. Corinne said

    Missy,
    You may be educated, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be ignorant. When someone you love goes through this will you still think it is disgusting? Or will your loved one be afraid to talk to you about it because of your ignorance and refusal to empathize?

    Clearly Dylan is not one of the Americans who has a problem with being honest about how he feels, and he’s not afraid to offend, but he also doesn’t go around looking for people to attack.

  10. dylansworld said

    You do have a right to your opinion. But it was quite short and you didn’t answer my questions as to why you feel that way. Perhaps if you stated your case more clearly and gave a valid argument people would not consider you uneducated. I think if you make a quick remark without backing it up, unfortunately you look like someone that is just picking a fight without really having any solid information on the subject. I invite you again to state your case as to why you feel the way you do.

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